If you’ve had testosterone-drenched dreams of owning a private cruise ship, we see you and raise you Dan Bilzerian – poker pro and social media demigod. Bilzerian is a caricature of the American alpha male, brought to life. Aided largely by second generation money, the bearded man-mountain has become a symbol of outrageous fortune, thanks to his meticulous use of social media platforms like Instagram to showcase his wantonly lavish lifestyle. Bilzerian started out by trying to become a US Navy SEAL – his first attempt at establishing himself as a modern day Ubermensch. Failing the Navy SEAL training program, he began to dabble in the worlds of professional poker, acting and venture capitalism, leaning on a trust fund and a fortune built in the 1980s by his father – a Wall Street corporate raider.
What sets Bilzerian apart from the rest of the trust fund crowd is the fact that his fortune is matched by his appetite for the outrageous. While he is far from the only multi-millionaire around, Bilzerian has taken the American dream and inflated it to the size of his biceps, thanks to a penchant for fast cars, silly stunts and shameless exhibitionism – all of which he has used to masterfully manufacture his public image. He gained prominence through Instagram in 2013, when he began using it to create a seamless narrative of a life led by whim, aided by guns, girls and, er… goats. That’s right – while mere mortals content themselves with the company of a basset hound or a goldfish, Dan shares his god-sized bachelor pad with hordes of thoracically augmented (and often gun-wielding) women, his beloved pet goat, Zeus, and a grumpy-looking cat called Smushball.
It’s not all sunshine and rainbows for Captain Austerity, though. His 34 years on this planet have already seen two heart attacks, and we’re guessing they weren’t triggered by stress or a chronic existential crisis. What makes it hard for people to begrudge him his lifestyle is the fact that he’s so unabashed about his politically incorrect and often misogynistic remarks. It’s allowed men to connect with the unadulterated id that guides his life – a luxury we can’t quite afford. Much like a capitalist pig version of the Dude, Dan’s out there taking it easy for the rest of us.
Here are a few snippets from a day in the life of Fancy Dan
Vin Diesel is to a Dan Bilzerian party what Snoop Dog is to a cannabis convention
Sisters @angelmccord @theannalynnemccord @iamrachelmccord A photo posted by Dan Bilzerian (@danbilzerian) on
Dan pondering over new installation art
Beyond the caveman brow lies a keen, investigative mind
My shorty rides shotgun A photo posted by Dan Bilzerian (@danbilzerian) on
He’s a certified pun nut, Dan is
The Republic of Bilzeria refuses to acknowledge the word ‘woman’ as a part of the English language.
@sitdownsteve & @junkyardkennystunts played a game of Xbox, the loser had to ride a wheelie while being shot with paintball guns from a helicopter, video should be done soon… A photo posted by Dan Bilzerian (@danbilzerian) on
A slow Monday at the Bilzerian residence
Flew back to Vegas for the weekend… Tonight I saw 4 guys fight blindfolded at the same time(one accidentally punched the cameraman), while wearing dog shock collars around their necks that random fans controlled, girls fighting for clothes, but the craziest thing was @wolfmate fought ten pro fighters back to back, one round each with @urijahfaber @keithjardine205 @kitcope @stujaspermma #ForrestGriffin and didnt get knocked out…
Dan’s nothing if not a fervent supporter of female empowerment