Salman Rushdie, whose 12th novel Two Years Eight Months and Twenty-Eight Nights is out today, has more than a million followers from around the world on Twitter. But for some strange reason, south Asians, particularly Indians, feel compelled to periodically ask him stupid questions, many of them in bad English. And they are invariably met with a typically Rushdie riposte — pithy, acerbic, scornful and always funny. Here are some of best exchanges:

A misspeller who called him a harami
1.harami

This guy mistook him for Santa Claus
2.santa

Rushdie’s definition of piracy

3.piracy

The grammar lesson.
4.grammar

Rushdie on his current girlfriend
5.gf

He gets asked to ‘lower’ his ‘English’ standard
6.standard

On being the best even if you’re (erm) a hat.
7.hat

When Rushdie gives you writing tips
12-writing-style-(a)
12-writing-style-(b)

When he’s wished for his ‘sister’s wedding’
8.sister-wedding

He finally loses his patience.
9.patience-(a)
9.patience-(b)

More Nonsense.
10-small-talk-(a)
10-small-talk-(b)
10.-small-talk-(c)
10-small-talk-(d)
10-small-talk-(e)

When he finally confesses his love for trolls
11-confess