So, Milind Soman is getting married to someone who is 34 years younger to him. That’s the hot news today. Everyone wants to know who she is, what she does and how they met (and survived) each other. There are stories that they have been secretly dating for 4 years. Now that has raised eyebrows because, if so, said lady love would have been in her teens – legally adult, yes, but by Indian mummy-daddy-aunty-padosi standards, not adult enough at all. Everybody has quickly jumped to conclusions, of course. Everyone is knowingly smiling about why he’s into her. That needs no explanation. He’s over 50, inching towards his twilight years and famous for his roving eye. Also, Indians don’t trust celebrities anyway. They have always had the reputation of being drinking-snorting-philandering-greedy sex maniacs and even if they dropped everything and turned into Buddha, distrustful Indians would still want to sniff out an ulterior motive. So, everyone “knows” why Soman is into her.

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But why is Ankita Konwar marrying Milind Soman? Now that’s a tough one. While most women would immediately react with a have-you-seen-him, the Milind Soman myth is pre-millennial. If you had your sexual awakening in the 90s, Milind Soman makes sense to you. He was famous and shirtless then. But the man was mostly MIA in the 2000s and has been only running barefoot for the last decade (with his shirt on). He barely appears on screen or gives interviews or attends parties or hits the headlines. How would a 23 year old fall for a Milind Soman when there are so many young, desirable hot celebrities to drool at in pop culture?

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They say that the two met on a flight (she’s an air hostess) and there is a possibility that he charmed her. The man is outrageously charming and has the rakish good-looking-rascal vibe that will make anybody want to rip his clothes off. Trust me, I have met him quite a few times and can vouch for the aforementioned desire to free him of his sartorial burden. But can you really fall in love so deeply with someone that you would want to marry him at 23?

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I won’t say it’s impossible. And that is the only reason why Ms. Konwar must be getting married, because frankly, I am laughing at the gold-digger accusations. Running marathons does not a lot of moolah make. And that is exactly why the age gap is scary. You’re both pretty now – he is a gorgeous silver fox (she’s evidently into older men) and she is an innocent PYT – and anyone who tells me physical attraction is not a requirement is fooling themselves. And I am sure, with staying together and being in love, you will form a wonderful and compassionate bond. But the bodies have their individual realities. Just 10 years from now, when she hits 33, he’s moved into the sixties. So, while, she is at her prime – physically, psychologically and career-wise – his body and mind might want to retire. When she hits 43, still enjoying her golden years – and ten years younger than what he was when they got married – Soman will be in his seventies. And no, love cannot make a 40 year old and a 70 year old party to the same tune every day. Your needs are different, your desires are different, your priorities and ambitions are different. Can a 23 year old really understand the realities of a 50 year old? I doubt that highly.

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I can understand the allure of older partners because you always want a strong and solid source of support, stability and common sense. I have myself been in a relationship with someone who is 8 years older to me for the last 5 years and I definitely know the benefits of being with someone who can disentangle the confusions of an inexperienced head. They have been where you are, survived the collective conflicts of that period and can help you ace – not to forget that older partners also mean constant pampering and mind-blowing sex (trust me on this one). But, someone who is 50 today cannot understand today’s 20 year olds because when Soman was 20, it was a different world with different problems, challenged and opportunities. And while I might be able to gauge my partner’s reality given our short age gap (not always, unfortunately), can Ankita really fathom what being a 50 year old ex-model-ex-actor-celebrity-Ironman must be like?        

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