We might rank really low when it comes to happiness, but the same cannot be said when it comes to penis sizes. A survey by leading condom brand Kama Sutra has revealed that Indian men have an average penis size of 8.1 inches, and they are closely followed by Italian men who have an average penis size of 8 inches.

The news comes as a shocker, considering the number of penis enlargement pills (none of them work) that are sold in the black market. The survey also breaks the myth of black men having the biggest cocks in the world – a notion perpetrated by porn.

Among the Indians, the Biharis score the highest with an average penis size of 9 inches, with Bengalis coming a close second with an average penis size of 8.7 inches. Men from Tamil Nadu aren’t that fortunate, and the average penis size in that state is just 5 inches.

“We were surprised to see the results. There might be a lot of poverty in the country, but that hasn’t hampered the Indian man’s ability to get solid erections,” said Dr Aman Chautala, a sexologist from one of India’s leading hospitals, and the man responsible for conducting the survey.

Indians all across the world are delighted to hear the news, as they now have something else to boast about besides the fact that they invented zero and a lot of other mathematical concepts that has facilitated so much development.

“I don’t know why people are surprised. Look at the rate at which our population is growing. Do you think that would have been possible if Indian men lacked good penises?,” said Ashok Tiwari, a Muzaffarpur resident who proudly flaunted his 9.5 inch penis while talking to reporters.

This is a fake news report. Any similarity or relevance is purely fictional. But hey, here’s hoping for the best. Have an optimistic April Fool’s Day.