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Here’s Blaming Virat Kohli For All Of Anushka Sharma’s Failures

Why always blame just one partner for the other’s failures, in this high-profile relationship?

Once Indian cricket fans realised that their boat was sinking during the Champions Trophy final against Pakistan on Sunday, it was only a matter of time that our patriarchy kicked in. And the country’s favourite scapegoat Anushka Sharma was called out yet again, as ‘Anushka Kahin Kidnap Toh Nahi Ho Gayi’ started trending to justify Virat Kohli’s disappointing performance on the day.

While there is no plausible explanation to why actress would ever want her boyfriend to fail at his profession, it would be as crazy as blaming the Indian captain for his girlfriend’s failures in Bollywood and otherwise. Just like this:

Didn’t he cause the massacre?  

Similar to how Virat is a phenomenal cricketer, even Anushka hasn’t experienced many flops in her Bollywood career either. One of the few letdowns though turned out to be her latest home production Phillauri.

But instead of recognising the lack of imbalance between the historical love story and the contemporary screwball rom-com in the movie’s script, let’s send out catcalls to the cricketer for its washout.

Why not even blame him for the poor acting from both the male leads. And oh, let’s even dare to blame him for the historical massacre that forms a pivotal plot twist in the movie.

Delhi hates Bombay

Another chink in Anushka’s rather celebrated armour turned out to be Anurag Kashyap’s Bombay Velvet in 2015. Not that it was too bad a film, but why not Virat the hell out of this one as well.

For instance, we attribute its overlong 149-minute length to the Indian captain’s longest run drought that very year. He went 12 innings without a half-century.

Maybe even the overplotted nature of the Ranbir Kapoor-starrer can also boil down to Kohli’s antics and aggressive persona on the field. We all know that his favourite word begins with a B and ends with a D. In fact, he’s from Delhi, so why would he ever want a film that has the word Bombay in its name to succeed?

Her body, my choice

Anushka also came in the firing line for her reported lip job that went terribly wrong. We do believe that it’s her body and she decides whatever she wants to do with it, but unfortunately not everyone shares the same viewpoint.

Wait, but what if Virat asked her to get it done? After all, it certainly is a man’s world and why even let women look how they want to. Also because ‘you can do anything, grab ‘em by the pussy and do anything.’