“Three is a charm
Two is not the same
I don’t see the harm
So are you game?”

So sang the legendary Miss Britney Spears in the year 2009. Not only was the song an instant hit, it also renewed interest in the ancient art of the threesome. Spears, known for her unique take on taboo topics, moaned throughout the sexy dance number but little did she know that she had inspired a young gentleman in the city of Mumbai.

“I always try to emulate Britney Spears. When she released Womanizer, I tried to find a hot guy to kill but . . . well, my mum found out and there was this huge drama at home. Ugh, parents, am I right? However, when I heard 3, I knew that this was something I could do without going to jail,” said Arjun Malhotra (name changed), before launching into a minute-by-minute account of the time he explored spaces he didn’t know existed.

The LGBTQ+ community really rallied together to give me all the dirty details for this feature. To say that the heterosexuals were disappointing is an understatement – it would appear that most straight couples hadn’t even tried going beyond ‘the missionary’. 

“You can’t blame us, you know,” said a cis-het to me, defensively. “Our boyfriends expect us to be okay with another girl in the picture but how many of them would share their bed with another guy?” This led to a prolonged conversation about how men are trash but that is a discussion for another time.

“Once, it was with my friend and his girlfriend. His girlfriend wanted to see him with another guy, since he is bi.”

“Well, I am generally not in favour of threesomes as I don’t like sharing my guy very much and I’m not all that into girls. But this once, the girl was more into cuckolding and seeing her boyfriend with me drove her nuts. I enjoyed having more of the man to me but also being with the female. There were some highly satisfying points, and overall it was really fun. But in general, I might stick to just having one guy I really like,” said Padma Patel (name changed). 

While all the participants in a threesome can get physical with each other, one or more of them may also only engage in autoerotic activity like masturbating or edging. Fun fact: a threesome with two men and one woman is called a devil’s threesome, just in case you were wondering what to do on Halloween. Most of the people interviewed for this piece had a threesome with a couple – the duo got off on the idea of cuckolding. 

“Once, it was with my friend and his girlfriend. His girlfriend wanted to see him with another guy, since he is bi. I was just smoking with them, at which point they both came on to me. With the girl, her boyfriend managed to bring her to orgasm and I managed to bring him to orgasm. Needless to say, I was satisfied with this process as well,” said Akash Ahuja, with a laugh. Ahuja has participated in four threesomes so far and had a great time during all of them. Would he recommend it for couples, considering that there can be a fair amount of jealousy involved?

“It really depends on how secure you are in a relationship. In mine, my partner was not and it caused a lot of jealousy,” he says.

“Honestly, 80 per cent of sex is in the mind and only 20 per cent has to do with the body.”

Like with all kinds of physical intimacy, comfort and chemistry are key. A threesome can be extremely awkward if the people participating in it are not sexually compatible. “I hated mine. This dude told me he was a top but turns out he was a vers-bottom. The top was having fun but I threw both of them out because I just wasn’t interested in fighting for scraps,” said one ‘sexpert’, downing his third glass of Old Monk in the seedy bar we were sitting in. The garish interior and Bhojpuri music really added to the intellectual conversation we were having. “Sex is just in your mind ya,” he added, before falling face down into his half-eaten plate of chicken manchurian.

(Credits: Julia Winter Studio on Instagram)

Aaron Charles agrees with the above statement. In a telephonic conversation with me from Geneva, he said: “Honestly, 80 per cent of sex is in the mind and only 20 per cent has to do with the body.” Charles advises novices to “never rush into it, always evaluate and don’t think with your dick”. It goes without saying, of course, that one should always use protection while indulging in any kind of sexual intercourse. For couples hoping to spice up their sex life, here’s a word of caution –  at least two people who shared their threesome experience with me stated that it leads to major heartbreak later. “People think they’ll be okay with their partner having sex with someone else but it’s not true. It’s your job, as a boyfriend or girlfriend, to sense your partner’s discomfort. Also, always go for a threesome with somebody you’ll never see again,” said Aaliyah Sharma.

At the end of the day, if you’re thinking about a threesome, there’s really only one thing you have to remember – teamwork makes the dream work.

(Header credits: A still from The Dreamers)