“The pressure of finding her G-spot and hitting it out of the park is just too much, man,” one of my closest guy friends ranted. I sighed. It was going to be one of those evenings. “It’s like treasure hunting. As if women are not already complicated enough,” he grumbled. “Why don’t you turn the tables and ask her to find yours?” I offered. “Find? What’s there to find? She meets it every day and calls it Big Foot.” I sighed again. “Your dick’s not your G-spot, bro.”

It’s funny how men are so unaware of their own bodies. With our obsession with length and girth and performance, other sexual hot spots have casually been forgotten, and in due course, over generations, the real male G-spot has swirled into oblivion. The fact that men (a gender so actively obsessed with self-pleasuring) would collectively ignore a golden opportunity within their own bodies seems unfathomably silly.

“Cut the bullshit, man. What is our G-spot, then?” my friend whined.

“It’s your prostate.” I said.

“My what?”

Now, men engage with this tiny gland only when it’s enlarged – or cancerous. This is unfortunate, because if you could get over your rooster and opened your mind to a little bit of experimentation, you would realise that the “best you’ve ever had” wasn’t the best you’ve ever had. I have your attention now, don’t I? Nothing grabs a man by his balls like telling him that the best sex of his life is just around the corner (or, in this case, right up his backside).

The prostate gland is a cruel joke right up there with Donald Trump and Taher “Eye-to- Eye” Shah. The gland is a walnut-shaped ball of flesh right behind the bladder, optimally accessed and stimulated two inches up the back door. So, whether you believe in Genesis or Darwin, this opens up a very interesting conversation about male sexuality. If man is to derive maximum sexual pleasure from anal penetration, does it not blur the lines between gay and straight sexual practices? And, if I expanded on that same train of thought, does it not render existing social and gender constructs of masculinity rather baseless?

“Getting fucked in the ass” is a universal connotation for defeat, subordinacy and emasculation. Men use it when they have no power over the boss, or the wife, or the government. It is the standard expression when a man does not feel manly enough, which, in most cases, is when he is not in charge. Hence, those who want to/can be coaxed into anal sex (sexually fluid men and women, usually) are seen as less powerful than heterosexual men. Globally, the gay man is more commonly perceived as the skinny-dandy- twink than a buff gym rat, because on the acceptance scale, an effeminate man is more likely to be “less than a man” than someone who looks like an alpha male. The male ego, people, is possibly the most complicated puzzle ever created.

“I think I’m good. I don’t need anything to go up my ass, thank you very much,” my friend said.

“Why are you not open to experimenting a little?”

“It will feel weird. I am supposed to be doing all the riding, you know.”

I smiled. Men commonly believe that they are the ones in charge of sex. Popular sex positions also have them as the ‘active’ participant. Women are perpetually painted receivers – an idea perpetrated to uphold their pristine character and “lady-like” behaviour. While men might love watching woman-on-top or the rodeo sledgehammer in porn, on his bed, a man loves the good ol’ missionary.

To allow anal stimulation would mean relinquishing control of the sexual act. Their pleasure (and the degree of it) would then be at the mercy of someone else – someone they have been made to believe is inferior to them. That is a scary idea for the chest-thumping, beer-guzzling, I-am-better-than-you-but-I-don’t- know-why alpha, and that is exactly why heterosexual men have ignored the pleasures of the prostate. So, tonight, open your mind a little. See beyond roles (and rules) and try to allow yourself to enjoy your sweet spot. Trust me, you’ll thank me for this one.