There’s a strange shock followed by a wave of sadness that many of us experience in the wake of our beloved celebrity’s demise. It’s hard to adapt to the new reality— the corporeal absence of the public figure whom you had admired for so long. Case in point: When the news of Matthew Perry’s demise surfaced, millions on the internet went into a mourning mode, sharing condolences and essays about how Perry’s portrayal of Chandler Bing in Friends brought immense joy to their lives.
It was a loss unlike anything for anyone who has binged this series, and the intensity of this loss was on display on the internet. Many Friends die-hards had reportedly flocked to 90 Bedford Street – a six-storey building in New York where Friends was filmed- to pay homage to Perry.
Closer home, Varun Kumar, 26, a marketing professional, reveals how the loss felt personal. “Friends was my saviour during my college years. I don’t know how many tests I flunked and parties I missed because I was binging on this series. I don’t know why but the character of Chandler Bing resonated with me so deeply,” he says. Varun, sunk in despair, spent the rest of the days rewatching the series, and Chandler Bing’s compilation on YouTube.
While the idea of mourning over the death of someone who isn’t even aware of your existence is rather odd, the counseling psychologist Roopali Das believes it’s absolutely normal and shouldn’t be ridiculed. She explains it’s not merely the loss of a celebrity that we grieve, but the relationship we had with their works. “When we lose someone, it’s not the person we are missing, but what they meant to us. That space is now going to be void, and this is the root cause of grief,” avers Das, who is also the founder of Twashtri Learning and Research Center LLP.
In the case of Perry, the widespread adulation for the actor stemmed from the loveable character he played in Friends. Chandler’s goofy antics, his trouble-making persona and his witty jokes resonated with the viewers. “The self-deprecating humour, the sarcastic one-liners, and his authenticity were some of the primary reasons I loved him the most,” says Varun, whose room at one point was full of Friends posters.
In a poll conducted by the Ranker, not long before Perry passed away, Chandler was voted as the most loved character.
“We look up to stories and heroes when something doesn’t make sense in our lives. Chandler’s stories helped a lot of people to understand how childhood trauma impacts life. And people devoted so many hours to that show, so of course it will hurt,” says Das. Perry’s own complications, from his addiction to depression, make him even more relatable.
Fandom In Digital Media
In the age of information overload, it’s not easy to shut ourselves out completely. With the unprecedented rise of modern media formats, fans now have constant access to the celebrity. You scroll Twitter to know what your favourite celebrity is thinking about, and check Instagram to see what’s going on in their day.
Das says it isn’t necessary to meet them in person to form a relationship with them. “In the modern world, we need to understand that relationships are not formed only in physical space. We don’t need to meet the celebs. Just relating with their works is enough.”
The greater the attachment, the higher the depth of the personal loss we sink into. When Kobe Bryant met with a tragic accident in 2020, the outpouring of tribute on the Internet became a bit too overwhelming for his fans the world over. In a similar vein, a long-time Los Angeles Lakers’ faithful Abhinav Singh reveals how it was “extremely sad” that it pushed him towards a social media break. “The reels and tweets weren’t helping me after one point. I decided to take a break from social media. I returned only after I felt that now people must have moved on,” says the 24-year-old software developer.
Celebrate Their Work
Your favourite artist might be gone, but they haven’t taken their body of work along with them. You can always revisit their old works, and discuss their life and legacy with fellow admirers. After learning about the death of Rodrigues, I couldn’t help but start my day, for the next few days with a dose of his iconic album Cold Fact and a cup of black coffee. In my opinion, while the knowledge of his absence did ache my heart, listening to his music made me appreciate his genius.
Das believes this is a good coping mechanism. “Starting to read about the person or watching their old clips is a great way to navigate through grief. You need to understand that your hero too dealt with grief and loss in some way,” she says, adding that acceptance is equally important, for it gives us closure.
Understanding Continuity Of Life
Because great artists often leave such indelible imprints on our hearts and brains, their death can be even more devastating. Since their influence on our lives is huge, we have a tendency to immortalise them. “But it’s important to contemplate the continuity of life,” she adds. Lastly, if you think things are getting but much, and you want to move on but can’t, there shouldn’t be any hesitation in seeking out help,” concludes Das.
