Well, not like our films are way better than the ones made abroad, but when it comes to sex scenes, we are pathetic to say the least. In fact, if you count the number of good sex scenes in Indian cinema, you will not be able to find five. We are not talking about kissing scenes, or the ones where there is no suggestion of intercourse.

First, in a lot of scenes, we have a fascination with the navel and the area above the boobs which men like to kiss. Then, you have sex scenes where you see the heroine’s back and the hero running his hand through it. Then, you have scenes where the hero and heroine have a sad expression, as if they are doing some sin.

Let’s take a look at four scenes, to illustrate our point.

Murder – Emraan Hashmi and Mallika Sherawat

Again, the worst part about this scene is that there are cuts, where Mallika is shown crying and feeling guilty of infidelity. That ruins the sizzle quotient. Then, her navel is shown throbbing with pleasure, which is very realistic but the camera angle isn’t what you’d call aesthetically pleasing. There’s a kiss at the end which is not bad, but we think that black necklace that Emraan is wearing is a disastrous move.

The Dirty Picture – Vidya Balan and Naseeruddin Shah

Again, Vidya is shown riding Naseer in this scene, and probably the hottest part (intended to be hot) about it is that Naseer gets to run his hand over Vidya’s back. And really, who speaks in clock metaphors while they are getting down and dirty.

Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna – Shah Rukh Khan and Rani Mukherjee

SRK looks as if he is being punished and has to have sex with Rani. They get into a big, nice hotel room, and there’s so much awkwardness it hurts our eyes. Definitely, one of the worst things Karan Johar has done, and he’s done many.

Kurbaan – Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor

The Bollywood cliché of a man running his hand through the heroine’s back is a part of these scene too. We’ve got to admit that the song that plays in the background is hot, but again, the duo don’t look that turned on even though both of them look extremely beautiful without clothes.

There’s probably one film that has done sex scenes well. It’s the indie classic, BA Pass.