THE ACCIDENTAL PRIME MINISTER

What: The year of propaganda films was kicked off by this Anupam Kher-Akshaye Khanna affair, which was meant to defame the Gandhi family and “reveal the truth” behind the “puppet PM”.

Why: The film has been shot down for its historical and factual inaccuracies, terribly caricature-ish performances and for its relentless mud-slinging. Okay, maybe you can’t separate propaganda and cinema here. Like Shubhra Gupta said: “It’s a film created for the specific purpose of making the former prime minister look like a weak, spineless man”.

BLANK

What: Yet another film on righteous terrorists and Islamophobia that just doesn’t go anywhere, Blank, like its name, was a hollow attempt at trying to do something different while making sure a star kid has a hero-like debut.

Why: Because the story was predictable and boring. Because the dialogues were tiredly written and because Karan Kapadia, if he does have any acting chops, deserves a better debut.

PAGALPANTI

 

What: Another Anees Bazmee film. Yawn.

Why: An Anees Bazmee film. Yawn.

UJDA CHAMAN

What: Calling it “India’s first film on baldness” wasn’t the best way to sell this boring “comedy” about a balding man who has to find himself a wife within an astrological deadline.

Why: If you are going to get into a release war with an Ayushmann Khurrana film, make sure your film is backed by great writing, performances and direction, which this film heavily lacked.

RANGEELA RAJA

What: A sexist, misogynistic lewd fest, the film is about a Govinda double role as a rich king and a hermit, with a bunch of hot women thrown in for, well, hot women purposes. The film has been written and produced by Pahlaj Nihalani. Oh, shoot. I should have led with that.

Why: I’ll let Raja Sen’s review of the film do the talking: “For the love of Govinda, don’t watch this film. Zero star. He was never a toxic masculine threat, no vulgarian, merely a graceful clown. Nihalani, I’m sad to report, assaults us with images of a sickening Govinda, a performance-enhancing rapist who laughs in the face of consequences. I emerged from this film traumatised.” My sentiments exactly.

KALANK

What: And the Award for the Best Attempt To Outdo Bhansali This Year goes to Kalank. The fact that this Partition-era period drama flopped was a turning point for everybody, especially to understand that you cannot cover up bad writing and direction with glitzy sets and an enviable star cast.

Why: Terrible writing, predictably boring storyline and absolutely abysmal dialogues. The otherwise talented cast — barring Sonakshi Sinha — really had nothing to work with.

DRIVE

What: When the big bosses at Dharma watch a film and decide to not release it theatrically even though it stars Sushant Singh Rajput and Jacqueline Fernandez, you know it must really suck. Drive is about a gang of hot thieves trying to steal cash, while trying to outsmart the police — and each other.

Why: This film is razzie gold. The CGI is the worst we have ever seen. Rajput needs to stop thinking that he is the hottest human being on the planet – he isn’t. Drive is up there — or down there, actually — with Rangeela Raja as the worst film of the year.

MARJAAVAAN

What: A masala, maar-peet, khoon-kharaaba potboiler, Marjaavaan is so bad that it wouldn’t even draw in audiences in the 80s— the decade this film is made for.

Why: Filmein sirf teen cheezon ke liye doobti hain — Sid Malhotra, Sid Malhotra aur Sid Malhotra. Yes, I did it again. And it was worth it.

FRAUD SAIYAAN

What: I watch such films only so that I can feature them in this January list. A con film with no spark, spirit or soul, I wonder why the makers even made it.

Why: How is it possible for every single department of film-making to suck?

PANIPAT

What: This year’s Attempt Number Two To Outdo Bhansali is a laborious war film (with terrible cinematography and CGI) that we felt like we have seen twice before starring Ranveer Singh — in better films.

Why: Filmein sirf teen cheezon ke liye doobti hain – Arjun Kapoor, Arjun Kapoor aur Arjun Kapoor. I couldn’t stop myself from cracking that one.