The Worst Bollywood movies of 2015
The Worst Bollywood movies of 2015

Movies from 2015, so unforgivably terrible, they’ll make a wiser viewer out of you

A terrible movie is an average one – neither great, nor bad enough to be good. The really bad ones can actually be loved for their own worth—in guilt, or gilt. Here’s the 10 best of the worst that you may (or may not) have missed out on.


MSG: The Messenger



Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh Insan is the director, producer, star, writer, music composer and editor of this 197 minute saga, and the shiny disco ball godman with curls in his arms in real life can cure this world of everything from AIDS to terrorism. Okay. Stop. Now. Not a word more. I have no interest in having cops at my door. In Guruji’s defense, he never really set out to make just a film. So there, check this out, if you’re looking for much, much more.





This is a horror movie, but what’s freaky about it? The romance in it. A Lokhandwala lad has been in love with Bipasha 1. The 1 is necessary, because Bips 1 is only one half of a Siamese twin, who is joined to Bips 2 by hip 2 and hip 3. It’s hard enough to go about a regular day like that. How would the hero consummate his love, with Bips 2 looking on? Who cares? Why burden your brain? Just look at the screen and watch the fun unfold.





A filmmaker making a film within this film as a con-artiste executes his tricks that you’re not sure are playing out in the movie, or the movie within the movie. No, don’t think so much. You want to know what a fabulous fart smells like from a movie screen? Watch this film.


Mr X



What could be better than Emran Hashmi in a movie? An invisible Emran Hashmi. Actually, he’s visible under sunlight and neon-blue lights only, while his girlfriend chases him down because he’s killed the chief minister. Mr ‘Xcreta, did I say? I meant good shit, obviously.


Gabbar Is Back



Akki (Akshay Kumar) in a movie that’s yucky? That’s nothing new, although he’s changed his tack lately. But Akki-man as super-charged super-hero who abducts and weeds out corrupt aliens in society, one by one, while cops sit with egg on their face? Priceless. I’m just waiting for this ‘gobar’ to be back. Soon.





The case concerns the mysterious death of Aarushi Talwar— you know, the popular tabloid story. So you know the script. You’ve probably watched Meghna Gulzar’s Talvar. Catch the delectably rabid Rahasya to realise how movies are so not about stories at all—they’re all about how you tell them. This one goes so many feet over the top that it’s hard not to feel like you’re flying.


Ek Paheli Leela





Massively scaled period reincarnation drama with two Sunny Leones for the price of one ticket: one Sunny’s a hip Londoner, the other’s a Rajasthani belle. I feel sorry for all the other sideys in this pic—the male leads, basically, who are trying their best to act. The joke’s on them.





Bollywood hero (Arjun Kapoor) takes on the ‘bahubali’ (Manoj Bajpayee) in small-town India. Now, you’ve seen a gazillion such South Indian film remakes. Somehow, the audiences enjoy them only if they star Salman Khan, or other ageing ‘90s superstars like Akshay Kumar and Ajay Devgn. But that’s the audience’s problem. I just loved the villain, who’s vowed to walk around in Jockey underwear until he gets the girl (Sonakshi Sinha) he wants. Now that’s something you really want to watch. Right?


Shaandaar / Bombay Velvet



The way some people behaved when these two films came out seemed as if someone in their family had died. I guess that’s because Vikas Bahl had directed Queen before Shaandaar. And Anurag Kashyap had delivered a string of sensational alternative films (Black Friday, Dev.D, Gangs of Wasseypur) before Bombay Velvet, which was meant to be the story of Nariman Point coming up in Bombay, just as Shaandaar was supposed to be a spoof of a Bollywood fable. That’s not meant to have a point, anyway. There were several gems in these big-budget blockbuster pics, nonetheless. You couldn’t stay up to spot them? That’s your bad.





Yes, we know—desis had already invented everything many thousands of years ago. But what did they do with it all? They left behind riddles, so Indians with a knowledge of Sanskrit could invent everything again. The top scientist in this film (Mithun Chakraborty) therefore solves puzzles in the Vedas. His assistant (Ayushmann Khurrana) cracks a verse, and woah, they reinvent the steam engine. Their major mission, though, involves making man fly. The top scientist has a codex with a secret recipe to put together an airplane. The Brits are after the codex. Because, you know, if an Indian invents the airplane, their theory that desis must be ruled by goras will be destroyed. So the goras destroy the codex, instead of cracking the code and inventing the airplane themselves. I could go on and on about this one, but like everything else on the list, you must watch it to believe it yourself.

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