The organizers of the Cannes Film Festival have declared that the weekend of events and glamour is to be cancelled after Taimur Ali Khan failed to show up. “You can have who you want here, but Cannes doesn’t really mean anything if Taimur doesn’t show” explained French President Emmanuel Macron. “Brad Pitt tried to tell me his children were as good, so we have banned him from entering France for life after the insult to Taimur.”

The Eiffel Tower had been lit up up in Taimur’s favourite shade of blue in anticipation of his arrival. President Macron said tearfully, “Maybe he wanted yellow. I should have known.” 

An inconsolable Quentin Tarantino said, “I wanted to pitch my new movie idea to Taimur. I have always said that I have a set number of movies I want to make before I retire, but since I heard about Taimur, I have decided I want to make films as long as he would want to work with me. I had planned to cast him in multiple roles in my upcoming epic. I suppose Di Caprio will have to do.” 

The organizers had planned to rename the Palm D’Or, the famous award given to the best film at the festival, to the Taimur Ali Khan Award. Unfortunately, their plans were thwarted, as Taimur decided to skip out on Cannes and go to playschool.