A survey published by Indian Institute of Technology, Delhi revealed that 2 in 3 Indian men masturbate at work. They may use porn, they may use their imagination and they may just need to get rid of a hard-on, the reasons are aplenty. But the result is just one, they masturbate.

“It’s an effective way to beat stress. For example, if your boss has yelled at you and you need to let off some steam, you can always go to the loo and masturbate. Even on a long day, when everyone else has left office, masturbating can be an awesome experience,” said Rahul Joshi, a young executive in a leading IT firm. 

For the study, approximately 2000 employees of all ages (across sectors) were asked to anonymously enter whether they’ve masturbated at work and the result was shocking to say the least. Approximately 1300 employees admitted to be indulging in the act, and it didn’t matter whether they were married, committed or single. They all loved a little bit of fun, during breaks. 

“I am not surprised at all. When you work night shifts in call centres, you tend to get sleepy. Masturbating is one of the best ways to fight that feeling, since there is a nice thrill involved in masturbating at work. It feels wrong, which is what makes it so much fun,” said Tara Sodhi, a 23-year-old executive in a call centre. 

If you look at the educational background of the employees, almost 19 out of 20 engineers admitted to the act. If you are an engineer and reading this, we can already sense your smirk. Media professionals were the most well behaved with only 1 in 3 men masturbating. 

This is a fake news report. Any similarity or relevance is purely fictional. But hey, here’s hoping for the best. Have an optimistic April Fool’s Day.