I sometimes think sex is like a toy — you play with it in various ways with various people, and then, one day, you get bored of it or outgrow it. Of course, this mostly stands true for people who have, like me, been there and exhausted that. For those who still feel that there are a few things — or a lot of things — that they still want to try out, this piece is not for you. Sex is like a toy, and when you have been committed to someone for a little over “a while”, you are done playing with it. I remember the exact moment when I realised that something else was more fun than sex. My partner and I were mid-unchristian things when a joke was cracked — oh yes, we talk a lot during unchristian things — and I clapped back. A repartee started, quite unwittingly, until we realised that it had been almost half an hour that we had been talking, in bed, abandoning unchristian things mid-way, because something else excited us. In the darkness, we could see each other smile warmly as it dawned on us that we were so much more than just bodies for each other. We held each other and fell asleep and felt complete.
I am obviously not propagating no-sexever. I am saying that, sometimes, with some people, you and your body might find itself saying “It’s okay if I skip sex tonight and rather just snuggle and read together”. This is not a romantic idea, but a cerebral one. While sex definitely floods your system with feel-good chemicals, your brain might realise that it feels good doing other things with your significant other too. But does that mean that your significant other should stop turning you on? Absolutely not. When you say that “wit”, “sense of humour” and “intelligence” are turn-ons, a longterm relationship really gives you the scope to apply that. Let’s be honest: bodies are a variable. They look great, sometimes they don’t, they change, sometimes they melt. Physical appearance cannot hold a relationship together. Chemistry cannot depend on physical attraction if you are in it for the long haul. What is it that you are looking for in your relationship? What do you want it to mean in your life? And most importantly, what is the glue that holds you together? Sex cannot be the answer to any of those questions. Hence, judging any relationship based only on the amount of sex the couple has is skewed.
This is again not a conversation about people who lose interest in sex. This is a convergent conversation about people who find other things about their partners more exciting. Every human being is an experience — sexual prowess is just a part of it. So, while we must remember that none of the components of that experience make up for a lacking in any department, none of them are the hero alone. So, sometimes, if you find yourself not wanting to have sex while feeling completely satisfied with whatever you are doing with your partner, it’s okay. That deserves to be celebrated.
Sometimes, both of you might be extremely tired from your crazy lives and just falling asleep in someone’s arms is an ethereal reality that a hundred orgasms cannot beat. I might be sounding a tad romantic, but well, I cannot deny that while being in a relationship is not a fairy tale at all, love can often be a cheesy experience. When you have been with someone for a while, love, often, creeps up on you when you least expect it. You say things you didn’t think you could. Realising that you are living every day in love with someone can sometimes be a wonderful surprise in a long-term relationship. And that is more important than sex.